Sweetness
He is the sweet, soulful, smooth, slick, still, and skilled running back.
A surprised filled, screaming sudden and spectacular runner.
A sound, swift, strong, and puzzling man.
They call him Sweetness,
A stunning, sophisticated, scrumptious, splendid, and unrepeatable NFL RB.
From Chicago to L.A. he was a serene super stud.
A Shaky, snappy, spirit full, enjoying the savor of victory.
They call him Sweetness.
A superhuman, siren, unsubstantial, and stable runner.
His moves collective, soulful, and supernatural.
A phenomenon.
A sinew, sticking, stupendous, sharp running back.
They call him Sweetness
He was miraculous.
A talented sticking running back
A humble and gifted superman.
He is Sweetness.
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2 comments:
Eric,
I like the poem, and I assume it is about Walter Payton, the former Bears runningback? His nickname was Sweetness and it sounds like him from your description.
My favorite line was the line that said:
"A stunning, sophisticated, scrumptious, splendid, unrepeatable running back."
I like the repeated "s" sound and I too believe he is an unrepeatable running back.
The line I think you could improve is this one:
"A shaky, snappy, spirit full, enjoying the savor of victory."
Enjoying the savor of victory is kind of redundant, because "savoring victory" is the same as enjoying the victory. You could just say "Savoring the victory" and eliminate the "enjoying".
I like this poem better because I think Walter Payton is the best RB of all time, regardless of whether he has the all-time rushing record or not. I also really like the descriptions you use to describe him as a runner. Good job. :)
1. I thought this was a good poem but there are too many words it gets me confused and I feel like it was just thinking of as many S words as possible
2.His moves collective, soulful, and supernatural.
A phenomenon.
That explains him very well
3.A sound, swift, strong, and puzzling man.
Kind of a random line because the other lines are talking about his ability to play football and this is about him as a man..
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